


in the crown of the circus king

by Gothams_Only_Wolf



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternative Universe - Meji Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Minor Zack Fair/Aerith Gainsborough, Minor Zack Fair/Cloud Strife, Misunderstandings, One Sided Sephiroth/Cloud Strife, Samurai, Saving the World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-10 09:16:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19903360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothams_Only_Wolf/pseuds/Gothams_Only_Wolf
Summary: He might have lost Z—, might yet lose Vincent but at least the paths they forged were scorched like lightning across the glass of his heart.A Meji-Era inspired take on the story of FFVII.





	in the crown of the circus king

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WaifuJuju](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaifuJuju/gifts).



> I had so much fun with the prompts! I'm also immensely grateful that Waifu indulged my AU because I love the visuals and the language and I'm really happy with it. 
> 
> Enjoy~
> 
> _A Note: Everyone is wearing historically accurate armor and clothing for the era in which it replicates aside from Tifa, whose design is pulled from Sango's monster hunting armor in Inuyasha, and Vincent, who still wears his canon cloak, sabatons and starts out with grey pants rather than the black in canon._
> 
> Edit: There's now art of the wood cutting scene~ https://random-bell.tumblr.com/post/187722923827/waifujuju-commission-of-bamfcoyotetangos

* * *

The zanbatō on Cloud's back carried memories of its former owner; a man who had smiled so brightly in such carnage that was the past. 

Cloud dreamed of him, sometimes, when his defenses lowered and sleep was allowed to claim him.

* * *

_"You know, Spike," said Z—. He was one to talk, his hair swept high in the samurai style but just as spiked as Cloud's own mop. "when we get out of this, I want us to be rurouni. Wandering swords, helping people out."_

_The man's violet eyes seemed to look Cloud over in worry, the click of a tongue audible even in the fog of the dream. "Look at you, your kimono is half open." He adjusted Cloud's navy kimono, shuffling Cloud so that he was warmer and closer to the fire. "A— would **love** you, especially your sense of humor. Ready for some more fish stew? I mean, you gotta hate the stuff, I've been feeding it to you for ages now."_

_Cloud wanted to tell the man that it was food, wanted to tell him that he enjoyed the care that Z— gave him in the dream but couldn't. He did get his mouth open, at least, and Z— gently tucked the spoon into his mouth. Cloud swallowed off of pure habit._

_The stew was well seasoned with local herbs plus a sliver of an Antidote that was pared down to Hels and back with how much stew was in the spoon. Why did Z— seem to think he needed it?_

_"At least we're under the stars. I missed the stars in Hojo's embarrassment of a Western lab. Couldn't see any, strapped down the way we were, but sometimes the glass would glitter on you and it was almost the same. No lights, no city, just us and the vast expanse of sky we're under. Heh, it'd be bad if it rained though."_

_Cloud wanted to tell Z— that if it rained, he'd have company, at least. "... No."_

_"Hey! You're recovering nicely then. You disagree about the rain?" Z— brightened so visibly, Cloud struggled to make himself heard._

_"... Com-pan-y." He grated out, frustrated that his tongue wouldn't cooperate with him. Hels, nothing in this dream did but it wasn't the only one where he couldn't move so he pushed it aside. "... You."_

_Z— did chuckle at that, jogging Cloud ever so slightly. "So even if it rains, we've got each other? Pretty deep for someone who's been a Mako-pincushion like you have."_

_Cloud hummed, his cheek pillowed on a familiar chest._

_"You're making so much progress, Cloud, you don't even realize that talking should be impossible for someone like you."_

_Ah. So he was sick, in this dream and the others. Sick with what though? Z— never talked about it._

_"I've seen three SOLDIERs practically turn to stone with that much Mako in them but you're still fighting. Guess I can thank that Strife stubbornness for keeping you going."_

_**Mako poisoning?** Cloud was a SOLDIER, though, through and through. He practically bled green in battle; but perhaps Z— was right. Even SOLDIERs could be poisoned if the Mako was concentrated enough._

_"... Can't... lea-ve..." Cloud panted, the effort to speak exhausting, "you... with... fun."_

_Z— looked down at him and then shook his head. "Can't leave me with all the fun, huh? That's fair. Hah. Your face is still trying to frown at me when I use that pun. Guess you've got strong feelings about it."_

_"... Fair... eno-ff..."_

_Z— did a double-take and then roared with laughter, the edge of it almost desperate with joy. "Oh! Oh, Cloud! **Never change, buddy.** "_

_Perhaps it was raining after all._

* * *

Cloud sat bolt upright in his tent, surprised to find his cheeks wet and a cry of protest lodged in his throat. 

Raining indeed. 

Just who was Z— to him to make him yearn for dreams and yet fear them? 

"... Strife-san, breakfast is..." Valentine, the man nearly unobtrusive if it hadn't been for his name. "Would you like privacy, Strife-san?" 

" _No._ " Cloud replied, his tone watery. "Company would be appreciated." 

Golden clawed kote and hand reached for his hair, paused as crimson eyes flicked down as if to ask permission. Cloud nodded, surprised at the gentle way the claws carded through his rurouni tangles and made them disappear without a proper comb. 

"... This one had to figure out how to remove them without a comb, years ago." Valentine murmured softly. "You will catch no grief from this one, that you will not. Dreams are not always pleasant for this one either." 

An admission he might've had to have dragged out of the lone gunslinger months ago which came freely now. 

"It was pleasant, moreso than most. I... There were stars and a... a friend, I think. It often blurs between what should be possible for a dream and that of a memory, Valentine-sama." Cloud sighed. 

"This one regrets telling you his age on watch, that he does. Sama is not a honor that needs applying to this one." Valentine grumbled, tying Cloud's hair back and slightly tighter than Cloud did it himself. "The -san is acceptable, that it is, Strife-san." 

"Sama _is_ the respect you're due, Vincent-" Cloud breathed, turning on his knees to cradle Vincent's face. 

"Cloud, I-" Crimson widened as pale, pale cheeks flushed nearly as red as the gaze locked to his. 

"Oi, SOLDIER, your fish is getting lukewarm!" Kisaragi at it again, of course. "I'll eat it for you~" 

"Yuffie-chan!" Aerith scolded, a solid thwack and jingle an indication that Aerith had flicked Yuffie into a sit-down position with her holy staff. "That is Strife-san's and Valentine-san's food." 

Cloud gently stroked his gloved thumb across Vincent's warmed cheek and leaned in slowly. "Tell me no if you don't want this, the ache we carry between us." 

"... Within this one lies not the strength to lie, Cloud." Vincent met his advance, the kiss like breathing mountain air after Midgar's bloody alleyways. "Breakfast awaits, Fenrir's favored." 

"C'mere you-" 

The soft huff that passed for Vincent's laugh followed him out of the tent.

* * *

Cloud ended up dumping his lukewarm fish into his rice bowl and filling it with water, the mixture one that deterred the rest of the party but that he enjoyed. 

"Ew. Why do you do that, Strife-san?" Kisaragi prodded as he stuck his spoon in the liquid and raised it to his mouth. 

"Habit, I think." Cloud said after he swallowed the mouthful. "An old SOLDIER buddy of mine made the stuff but it's missing something and I haven't been able to recreate it." He pulled out an Antidote, information tickling at the back of his mind as he tipped the bottle just slightly into his bowl. "Huh. I think this is it. Wonder why he put curatives in the stew." 

He shrugged, Tifa winced and Aerith looked between them with a dawning understanding. 

"Excuse me, Strife-san, did the SOLDIER have dark hair-" 

"... and violet eyes." Cloud mumbled, rubbing at his forehead as the sensation of dizziness overtook him. "Sorry, only heard of the fellow in passing, I'm afraid. A lot of SOLDIERs had dark hair." 

Tifa looked to the sky as if the heavens would give her a respite, muttering in their dialect, 'Stupid, no good-Ugh.'

'Tifa? Is there something wrong?'

'You! Oh, Shiva grant me patience because if you grant me strength I'm putting that idiot over there into the road!' She snapped, huffing as she crossed her arms and turned her back to him with a sniff. 

Aerith sat beside Tifa, clasping Tifa's calloused hand in her own. Tifa sighed in defeat and pillowed her cheek on Aerith's shoulder, dark hair splaying against the white of the miko kimono. 

He didn't understand her as much, these days, but they had bigger problems; namely Sephiroth and saving the world from the menace that was the ShinRa Shogun.

* * *

Night fell quickly in the fall and even faster out in the countryside. By the time the last of sun's rays struck the earth, Cloud and Vincent had chopped enough wood for the night. Between chopping wood, he and Vincent had also found a smaller clearing well suited for their cautious natures. 

A well placed flick of Fira and the crackling of wood arose in the clearing next to them, Wallace pulling maintenance on the sword tucked into his fake hand. Tifa and Aerith were practicing staff attacks on larger monsters, Tifa's monster killing armor glittering in the light of the fire. 

They'd had a lead, one that would lead them to a possible ally in two days time but for now, AVALANCHE rested. 

Dinner was rabbit this time, carefully tended by Kisaragi with a watchful eye. It was her snare that had caught dinner and she'd insisted on cooking it her way, "Ninja's Honor, dontcha know?" 

Cloud knew that honor meant different things to different people; one friend had thought it a personality trait, one had scoffed at the honorable friend and the third... Well, somehow the third had been Sephiroth and the man had had no honor at all. 

If anyone knew the meaning of honor, it would've been Vincent. The guilt he carried was heavy with it, seeped into the very foundations of the gunslinger, lived and breathed it the same way the rest of the party did. 

Cloud shoved his musings to the side and felt the axe dig into the stump rather than any fresh wood. He frowned and found Vincent looking at him with soft eyes. "Did I fall into a fog again?" 

"You chopped all of the wood this one put in front of you so this one let you keep chopping. You seemed... lost in thought, Strife-san." 

"Ruminating about honor, mostly, Valentine-" 

"-san, please, Strife-san." 

Cloud released the axe, stalked up to Vincent and crowded him against a tree trunk, "You have more honor in your trigger finger than most people have in their entire bodies, Valentine- _san_." 

"Then your definition of honor is kinder than this one's own." Vincent whispered, leaning into his touch like a cat starved for attention. 

"Then let it also be yours, Vincent, for kindness is often in short supply." He offered quietly, sliding his hands into loose hair that spilled like raven's wings over mountain water.

"If that is your wish." Vincent purred as he dug both hand and kote into Cloud's own hair, the leather tie lost in the brush as they surrendered, so briefly, to each other. 

Cloud whirled at a snapped twig, lip twisted into a snarl before he saw the headdress that belonged to Nanaki. "Worry not for my path nor your own; pack is pack, no matter the touch. Might I offer some advice of my own?" 

"... This one would hear it, then." Vincent replied after he cleared his throat. 

"Trees make far better nests than the ground where any predator can spot you." Nanaki winked, though with his scarred eye it was difficult to tell, and sauntered off into the brush once more. 

"Did he just-Vincent, did he just tease us and tell us to use the trees so that he wouldn't catch us...?" Cloud hissed, scrubbing at his suddenly hot cheeks. 

"This one thinks he did and that he has the right of it." Vincent chuckled, adjusting Cloud's kimono, the sode ties on the right side of his body and the kote as well. Cloud absently corrected Vincent's kimono, shuffled the cloak's shoulders and pressed an absent peck to the headband as they studied each other. "This one thinks we are presentable save for your hair, that we are. Turn please?" 

Fireflies, though a bit out of season, lit up the night with their lantern-bright tails. Cloud smiled at the sight of them, their appearance most likely due Aerith.

Clever fingers and claws drew his hair back into the rurouni tail, the leather tie covered by what sounded like silk fabric. 

"Vincent?" 

"... This one thought of you on our last trip to a town. He bought you a silk tie, that he did, and hoped to present it in a better light." 

"What color?" 

"As crimson as the cloak this one wears and a matching one in your colors for this one's own hair." 

Cloud spun on his heel and held out his hand. "Can I tie it onto your armor?" 

"Not in this one's hair?" 

"No, it'll clash with your headband. On your kote and sode, however-" 

"This one doesn't have-Oh." Cloud tugged it out of his sleeve, the shimmer of burgundy a good match for the, Cloud was sure, navy tie. He tied it on, adjusted the sode until it sat right and then gave Vincent another reassuring kiss. When Cloud looked over his shoulder to see if his gunslinger had followed Vincent was touching his face where Cloud had kissed him. 

Gods above, Cloud could only wish he was a painter, to capture the look of fragile wonder on the face he cherished most.

* * *

The ally, a Dragoon, took one look at Vincent and gave a full bow of respect. Cloud almost cracked a smile at Vincent's blinkered astonishment, which he hid behind the high collar of his cloak. 

"You said you're off t' fight th' menace that's th' ShinRa Shogun? Count me in." The sharp teeth digging into the foreign cigarette was a sight Cloud was starting to get used to, even if his SOLDIER senses didn't care for the smell. "Cid Highwind. Yeah, Ah know it's not a Eastern name but then again, almost none of you have one either." 

"Coming east to save the west from the same fate is practical." Vincent murmured. "We know ShinRa does not plan to stop, that he does not." 

Highwind snorted at that, his spear held loose in his grip as he stood. "What'd you say th' name of your organization was again?" 

"AVALANCHE." Cloud answered.

"Good, 'cause we're gonna come crashing down on the Shogun just like one."

* * *

Highwind got them mounts, most of them beautiful Platinum Chocobos that were good for cross-country hikes and mountain terrain. 

"They're not Goldens, by any means, but they'll do us jus' fine." 

"You've been breeding them, Highwind-san?" Aerith asked, cooing up at her mount. 

"Yeah, Ah guess you could say that. They were supposed to be war birds for-" Highwind paused, looking out into a field that held, much to Cloud's surprise, two pitch black Chocobos. "Well, those two are war birds but nobody's even gotten close with a bridle in fucking years. ShinRa "borrowed" th' poor bastards and they came back with th' training but none of th' manners they used ta have." 

Cloud looked at the Platinum and the bird arched her neck with a sharp wark as he stroked her chest feathers. 

"Sorry girl, someone else needs me more." He looked out at the blacks, looked at the bridle in his hand and turned with an about face to head straight for the war birds. Vincent too, though he bowed to his mount before turning towards the field. "You feel it then?" 

"They're not impossible to ride, only hurting from loss." They touched the fence and then turned away from the birds, Cloud absently chewing on a piece of harvest chaff as he waited. "Highwind-san has been... flirting with this one. Are you not worried?" 

"No." He admitted, left hand resting lightly on his wakazashi. "I trust you with my life on the field of battle and my heart in peace." 

Vincent slowly scooted until they touched shoulders and their hands were hidden in the volumous cloak, fingers clandestinely laced in the folds. 

When a dangerously curved beak rested on his left shoulder, Cloud only turned to press his cheek against it briefly. The inquisitive 'kweh' he answered with a hum, still not pursuing the Chocobo. Dealing with trained war birds was a different beast altogether than regular ones, especially when they came back from ShinRa's 'stables.'

The shove against his sode had him grinning. "Can I help you?" 

"Kweh!" 

"Mmm, you sure?" 

"Wark wark!~" 

"Gonna take my bridle?" 

"Kweh!" 

""Well now, Ah done seen it all. Askin' a Chocobo permission to ride it."" 

""Strife-san is familiar with the way ShinRa trains their mounts. He used to be a SOLDIER."" Wallace replied with a snort. 

""He's a godsdamn hoot, that's what he is.""

* * *

_In dreams, sometimes Z— wouldn't talk, just watch over Cloud with a pensive expression that didn't suit his face._

_Cloud knew this dream well. Z—was hiding a wound he'd gotten for defending Cloud from ShinRa Infantry, the grunts knocked out and tied up with the cord that came standard issue. How he knew it was standard issue was a loss for him, almost on par with how they'd been friends with Sephiroth._

_Cloud couldn't talk but he **could** hum, starting up an old lullaby* to comfort Z—._

_Z— startled, groaning at the way his skin pulled at the still-healing wound. "Spike, didn't realize you were awake. Are you hungry?"_

_Cloud hummed, "Mm-mm," starting up the melody again and his hand twitched because he wanted to hold Z—'s hand._

_Z— reached out, lacing thier fingers and murmuring, "A— told me that if I needed to, I could take comfort in a friend."_

_Cloud felt his face flush red, looking down at the scrub as it swayed in the wind. Z— let go, Cloud's body jerked as he reached for Z— and he fell into Z—'s lap. His head was pillowed by a thigh to prevent it from hitting the ground. "You don't mind?"_

_"... Thought... it... wrong..." he sighed as Z—'s fingers carded through his hair. "... Asked... often..." Z— frowned at that, waiting for Cloud to continue. "... Not... mind... you."_

_Z— scrubbed at his nose and then the back of his neck as he replied sheepishly, "Well, I might have shown her a sketch of you in my letters home? And she said that if it was you, she wouldn't mind?"_

_Cloud blinked at that. He had seen a sketch of A—, the pink ribbon a faint tinge in the back of his mind. She'd been just as beautiful as Z—, so the fact that she thought him worthy of Z— was a surprise._

_"You're not up for more than kisses though, not with the way you are and I want you to tell me yes or no every time I ask." Z— half-asked, half-ordered._

_"... Want... to..." Cloud panted, internally grumbling at the way his body slowed him down. "... try."_

_Z— whistled lowly, impressed by his reply. "Guess I really shouldn't underestimate that Strife stubbornness. You ready?"_

_He could move a little, shifting himself onto Z—'s supporting arm and giving a slow nod._

_The soft feeling of lips on his was brief and warmth spread from the contact down to his chest. Cloud's breath hitched in and Z— crooned as Cloud licked at his lips in a daze._

* * *

Cloud couldn't bear to be part of AVALANCHE the morning following this particular dream, in the mood for no company but his own. He rode ahead as scout with an expression somber enough to put a mourning widower to shame. 

The weight of the sword was all the more heavy now that he knew he and Z— had been _involved_ , the way he and Vincent were now. 

The cold knot that sat in the center of his gut knew that Z— was gone; though the how and when were still a mystery to him. 

No one handed over a blade like that without expectations attached to it. 

The dreams were vivid, bordering on nightmares with how clear they were even upon waking. Out of all of Cloud's thoughts in the matter, the ugliest reared up and said they were memories, things he'd lost somehow in the fog of Mako poisoning or a curse put upon him by either Hojo or Sephiroth. 

He guided his Chocobo to the shoulder of the dusty road, his shaking fingertips brushing over his lips as he inhaled slowly, softly and then squared his shoulders upon exhale. 

The group didn't need to know that thier fearless leader wasn't as fearless as he claimed to be. 

Killing a few monsters gave him enough time to collect himself and to return to the group with a deer slung over his Chocobo's shoulders. 

"Is everything alright, Strife-san?" Aerith asked, the pink ribbon still causing him to double-take sometimes. It had something to do with his dreams, he knew that much. 

"I'm fine, Aerith-dono. It is only that I woke on the wrong side of the futon, " He replied with a slight bow. "Dinner will be good tonight, at least." His hair slid over his sode, the crimson silk tie making him smile absently at the reminder of Vincent. 

Aerith's green eyes flicked to the tie, flicked back at Vincent and she smiled sweetly. 

Cloud was about to flick his rurouni tail behind him when she spoke just loud enough for him to hear, "Happiness is rare, here and in the Heavens. Snatch it where you can, Strife-san, for it is better to have reached and failed than never to have gained it at all." 

Her gaze lingered on the Buster Sword, an unnamable arrow of grief striking the green of the forest in her gaze. 

"... I think I did, somewhere in the battle of life, and I lost it, Aerith-dono." He whispered, the weight of the zanbatō lifted by his words. "Someone bold and bright and my opposite in everything. A hero worth knowing—not for hire like this rurouni—a real one." 

She hummed, "Are you asking for forgiveness?" 

"I don't know if I'm asking for forgiveness or salvation or the honor I seem to have lost along with this person." He admitted with an ache stirring in his chest. 

"Dilly-dally, shilly-shally." She offered, Tifa's words both reassurance and something that drew a snort of laughter from him. 

"What's done is done, Aerith-dono? I'm not the only one with extra hair ornaments," Cloud teased gently. "Don't think I haven't seen the kikyō kanzashi in your hair." She squeaked but didn't reach for the pin tucked just before the pink ribbon, scowling at him as he chuckled softly. "Not a word past my lips if this doesn't go past yours." 

"Keep this up, Strife-san and I may end up adding 'no kimi' to your name." Aerith pouted. 

"Why not Tifa's?" His mouth moved before his mind did, his face heating up after the question left his lips. 

Aerith said softly, "Do that and this staff is going where Ifrit dwells." 

Cloud raised his hands in surrender and flicked his rurouni tail back over his sode. "Truce?" 

"Truce."

* * *

Vincent took to singing quietly on watch, his voice only loud enough for Cloud to hear him on the other side of camp. 

This time it was the lullaby from his dream, the one he'd hummed for Z—, and Cloud inhaled sharply. 

""Not that one?"" 

Cloud exhaled a long sigh and murmured, "It brings back old feelings but no, I don't mind it." 

""This one will endeavor to make the song one you associate with joy, that he will, if that is your wish."" 

At that, Cloud drew his hair over his shoulder to fiddle with the silk tie. "You'd do that for me?" 

""For you, this one would do much, that he would."" 

"I enjoy anything you sing, even that." He sighed. "It helps me stay awake through watch." 

""Then it is this one's pleasure to sing through the night."" 

"My honor to listen then... anata." He breathed out, stubbornly ignoring the way his chest filled with warmth. 

Vincent started up again with a different song**, one that made Cloud's heart soar.

* * *

In the heart of battling an ambush of Griffons, Cloud and Vincent wove together in a whirlwind of death, the song of the sword matched only by the concussive inferno of the gun. 

"Fly!" Vincent launched him up to take down the last of the Griffons, the brown and white feathers of the fallen monsters flying up with him for a brief moment. 

Tifa followed, having launched herself off of Aerith's staff, taking one down with her as Cloud's Omni-Slash activated. 

Cloud somersaulted, spinning so that he was guarding Vincent's back, navy kimono and crimson cloak snapping in the wind the Limit Break had kicked up. 

"Everyone alright?" He asked, returning the zanbatō to his back and wiping the wakazashi on one of the Griffons before sheathing the smaller blade. He'd have to clean them both later, oil and whetstone amongst the myriad of things a swordsman kept. 

Aerith closed her eyes for a moment and a wash of Libra Scan went over them. 

"Well, Valentine-san, Wallace-san and Tifa-dono are all injured but the wounds aren't enough to warrant a Cure. Materia bandages will do. Strife-san, would you help Valentine-san?" 

"Of course, Aerith-dono." He gave a bow and walked over to a log, sitting on it and waiting for Vincent to come over slowly. "Where did you get hit?" 

"This one's thigh is injured. He will have to borrow a pair of hakama." Vincent confessed, the blood leaving a darker stain on the dark grey of his hakama. 

Cloud pulled out his boot dagger, cut the fabric away and hissed at the sight of glistening talon wounds. Both of them knew Vincent would be healed by the morning but it still looked bad to the non-enhanced in AVALANCHE. 

"You can borrow a pair of mine," he offered as he carefully rinsed out the wound with a little rice wine. Vincent snarled lowly and gripped his shoulder, knuckles white against the navy of his kimono. "Sorry. Don't want it getting infected." 

"This one knows that but that does not mean it hurt any less, that it did not." Vincent countered as he blew out a breath. 

"I'll repair your hakama after they've been washed and dried. The knife cut deeper than I intended." Cloud hummed as he carefully wrapped Vincent's thigh with the Materia chip laced bandages, quietly marveling at the trust extended to him by their gunslinger. _His_ gunslinger, if he was brave enough to claim such in the safety of his own mind. 

Vincent had only come because Cloud had asked him to, after all. 

"This one forgives you. It is only cloth, that it is. He is glad _you_ are not injured." Vincent murmured as he angled his bared, bandaged leg away from AVALANCHE. 

"I'm fine, anata." He said absently as he dug in his item pouch for his spare pair of hakama. 

"He would call this one anata?" Vincent choked out, "Out of the safety of the watch?" 

"I have... learned that life is short. That affection is best given, instead of held to the chest like a barricade." Cloud sighed as he handed over the spare pair. "That I can love and lose like everyone else." 

Vincent changed behind the shelter of his cloak, handing over the bloodied hakama to be washed by Highwind and Cloud himself when they got to a stream. 

"He is sorrowing for your loss. Is there anything this one can do?" 

"Keep me company?" 

"That this one can do and willingly... anata." Vincent replied, the high spots of color on his cheeks barely visible with the way he ducked into the collar of his cloak. 

He might have lost Z—, might yet lose Vincent but at least the paths they forged were scorched like lightning across the glass of his heart.

* * *

_The sway of a wagon made Cloud groan. He hated moving under someone else's power but especially so when he wasn't in control of the Chocobo's reins._

_"Damn, and here I thought that Sleep was enough to keep you down and out for this wagon trip. Sorry, Spike, but you're getting kinda heavy." Z— teased, "All that fish stew you're putting away."_

_Cloud wriggled until his head was pillowed on Z—'s black sode. "... Your... fault."_

_Z— threw back his head and laughed, the smooth column of bronzed skin interrupted by the white scar on his chin from a SOLDIER helm strap. "So it is, spoonful by spoonful. I know I mentioned that we're gonna be rurouni but what do you think about being a sword for hire? It'll keep the Gil in our pockets for sure."_

_"Not... hon-ora-ble..." He countered with a faint twitch of a frown on his face._

_"Ha, no you're right, Cloud. Our honor's all we got as swordsmen. Rurouni it is, doing good wherever we can and hoping someone's grateful enough to share a meal. I know A—'s gonna be thrilled to see us. I hope her training's going well. She's supposed to be a miko, you know, guarding the — Materia. I wonder if they'll let her keep that ribbon I got her. It'll clash with the miko colors; the damn thing's **pink** , for Typhoon's sake." Z— gestured with his free hand, curling the other one around Cloud protectively._

_"Keep... it..." Cloud croaked out, "an-i-ways."_

_Z— snorted at that, turning to listen to the cart driver, "Zack, son, I can't go any further to Midgar. My bales of Greens gotta be dropped off in Kalm."_

_His name was Zack?_

_"That's fine! We'll walk the rest of the way. Did you want help unloading?"_

* * *

He shot up off of his futon, scrambling to sort out his armor before the thought was lost. A pink ribbon that **did** clash with the miko kimono and hakama but one she never took off. Cloud burst out of his tent, armor half-on as he went looking for Aerith. 

'Cloud?' Tifa called after him but he needed to know. 'Cloud, no! She's praying—' 

His breath caught in his throat at the sight of a Materia in her hands, this one a cold white that swirled like the snow of the Nibel Range. 

"Aerith" he panted in two breaths, trying to suck more air in as he shook. "-dono,"

"Strife-san, how can I help you?" She tucked the Materia away into her sleeves but the image of it burned at the back of his mind. 

"The person who gave you that, what was their name?" He pointed at the pink ribbon, left hand shaking in his kote as his aim was true. 

"His name was Zack, but I don't—" 

"He's gone." Cloud's knees gave out and he landed in front of her, gasping around the flood of tears that sprang forth. "I don't know how or when but he's gone. I didn't... _I couldn't do anything_." 

"Tifa-dono!" Aerith called towards camp but Cloud shuddered under the assault of another dream—no, _memory_ —this one of Zack pincushioned by a thousand and one arrows, a terrible gauntlet of a pass before them littered with the Shogun's foot soldiers. "Tifa, he's having another—" 

Cloud's eyes rolled up and the last thing he remembered was a concerned crimson gaze.

* * *

""... he shouldn't even be moving, the way he was poisoned.""

""How is he still standin' then?!"" 

""Mako poisoning taints your memories. Somehow, someway, Cloud's been getting his back as dreams."" 

Nanaki, Highwind, Tifa, their voices filtering into his floating state. 

""How can this one help him?"" Vincent, sounding... concerned? Vincent didn't do concerned. 

Cloud realized he'd collapsed again, the bits and pieces coming back to him in waves of painful rememberance. 

"... Nothing at all." He said hoarsely, hands fisted in fabric that was too light to be his camp blanket. Cloud felt warmth surrounding him and it took him a moment to realize he was wrapped in Vincent's cloak and in Vincent's arms. 

"Merely what you're already doing," Aerith pointed out with a soft smile. The arrow of grief had widened to a river, the forest almost drowning in it. Cloud reached out, Aerith folding into his arms and sniffling. 

The rest of the ground stood around them, scuffing straw waraji* or boots against the dirt of the campsite. 

"This one suggests you find a task to keep busy," Vincent ordered as he curled around Aerith and Cloud both, bristling and fiercely protective. "This is not for others to hear, that it is not." 

Kisaragi vanished into the tree line, Nanaki slunk towards the river and Tifa, Highwind and Wallace debated over who was going to collect more firewood. 

"... Thank you, Valentine-san." Aerith breathed out after the others had left. 

"I'm sorry, Aerith-dono." 

"What about?" 

"I... I think he took care of me, protected me and that's why... why _I'm here instead of him_." Cloud managed brokenly, stunned when Aerith wiped away his tears. 

"Zack wouldn't want you thinking like that. You said... You said on our journey that he was a real hero, a true ruruoni with the intent to help everyone on his road. You've certainly filled those boots if nothing else. Kind where samurai and SOLDIER are both cruel, honorable where others would take more than they've asked for and patient where others would be cutting." Aerith said thickly around her own tears. 

Cloud pulled a square of cloth from his sleeve, gently patting her tears away. "He said that you wouldn't take off the ribbon, even if it clashed with the miko colors." He looked up at Vincent, crimson eyes solemn but still welcoming. "Thank you, anata, for giving us some privacy. I know that part of me is... incomplete but-" 

"This one takes you as you are, that he does. He understands that there are pieces of him that are also not acceptable but are willingly accepted by you... anata. She is safe?" Vincent hummed softly in reply. 

Aerith nodded as she pressed her face into Cloud's shoulder. "Your secret is safe with me and Tifa. Did, ah, did Zack ever... you know...?" 

"Only kissing," he offered with a flush, "and he required a yes or no answer every time he or I wanted to kiss. He didn't even think about taking comfort from me until I told him in so many words that if it was him, I'd be willing to try. He showed me a sketch of you-" 

Aerith's hand dove to her hakama tie, pulling out a thick piece of paper that had been folded over and over until it was pliable. "This was the one he sent of you, I think, when you were still together. It was sent nearly four winters ago but..." The ink had faded somewhat around Zack's face but Cloud's own, much younger face, showed clearly. "I thought you looked familiar upon our meeting in Midgar but it hadn't connected until now." 

Cloud looked and then looked again at the colored piece of the sketch. He was wearing the light blue of a ShinRa foot soldier, not the navy of a SOLDIER like Zack was. The sode set was a faded grey and Cloud was wearing the green scarf that denoted a lower rank. 

When had he been a foot soldier? Or had time passed so quickly that Cloud had been forcibly ranked on a day he didn't remember? Mako poisoning had been bad for him but Zack had said that even with the poisoning, he'd been up and awake much sooner than expected. 

The gaps in his memory were starting to become an issue. Maybe Tifa could help him remember; she seemed to get frustrated when he said things about his past.

* * *

_Zack was pillowed on a Nibel wolf, the enormous monster nosing at Zack and Cloud himself with a low whine. "Hey, did you know that Nibel wolves are super friendly? Cause I sure didn't. I'd swear we were gonna get eaten in that mountain pass, Spike, I'm telling you right now, before gods and man."_

_Cloud couldn't move, cradled as he was by two more wolves and trapped in his own body but his throat made something that resembled a noise if it hadn't been so dry._

_"You're-Cloud, buddy? You in there?"_

_"...y...es."_

_"Oh! Oh, Odin's balls you are?! Hold on, you have **got** to be thirsty." He scrambled for the canteen, gently pouring clear mountain water down Cloud's parched throat. "Lick that when you're done, okay? I can't exactly tell when you're full."_

_Cloud licked when it felt like his stomach was sloshing with liquid._

_Zack sat back, relief painted starkly on his face. "Praise be to Typhoon, you're alive. I thought, that uh, that I might be hauling around a catatonic corpse there for a second but I couldn't leave you there, buddy."_

_"... wh... ere...?"_

_"Are we or where did we come from?" Cloud slowly shook his head at the first part, barely able to move. "Where we came from was Hojo's creepy Western lab in the fire hazard that was the ShinRa Mansion. We're in the pass towards Corel now. I'm hoping we can hop on a ferry to Modoheim and make our way to Midgar. There's someone I gotta see and who might be able to help you."_

_Help him? Well, it was rather difficult to move but Cloud could still do it._

_"Look, you're practically stone with how much you can move right now. Hells, you gave me my heart a jolt when you spoke. You're not supposed to be able to talk **or** move with how sick you are, Spike, but move you did. I guess all hope's not lost?"_

_"... Fen-rir... fav-ore-d..." He slumped against the wolves after he spoke but made his point anyways._

_"You mean because you're favored by the Nibel god, we're safe?" Zack pieced together. "Well, thanks Fenrir. I'll burn you a piece of meat if I-" Another Nibel wolf dropped a hunk of meat in front of Cloud and then Zack, the gristle and skin making it a fresh kill. "Efficient, isn't he? Thanks again pal."_

_Cloud didn't even register that they weren't in the light of day until Zack lit a fire and it flared bright against his eyes._

_"You know, for a second there, I could've sworn that your eyes looked like, uh, **His**. Nevermind, Spike."_

* * *

Cloud worked through his kata, the whistle of the sword cutting through the air matched only by Tifa's grunts as she punched a tree for Limit Break training. 

'Tifa, I know I'm missing things now. I need your help filling them in.' he said they both were winding down. 

Tifa froze mid-stretch before she followed through with the movement to ease her muscles. 'Who told you?'

'My dreams.' Cloud said bluntly. 'I'm missing four years of my life, Tifa, and I don't know how or why, other than that Zack and I escaped from **somewhere** and were headed to Midgar.' 

Tifa sighed at that, her scent more than pained, 'I thought you were dead, Cloud. I... A lot happened in those four years. A lot that I don't want to talk about right now.'

'Alright.' He agreed and Tifa startled. 'You're not ready. I doubt I am either, the way you react to my words sometimes. I do know that when we beat the Shogun and Sephiroth, we'll need to have a long talk.'

''When' not 'if,' is it?' She questioned wryly. 

'It is when, Tifa, because I have you by my side. You and everyone in AVALANCHE.' Cloud confidently said, nodding afterwards as though to solidify it into fact. 

'Everyone, huh? Especially your red-eyed shadow.'

'It's crimson,' Cloud corrected absently before he squawked in outrage. 'He is not my shadow, any more than Aerith-dono is yours!'

Tifa opened her mouth, lifted a finger and then harrumphed as she crossed her strongly muscled arms. 'I don't know what you're talking about.' 

'Aerith-dono said your eyes are like the leaves on the trees right now,' he teased gently, 'and that she hopes to get another kanzashi from you. Preferably a kiku one to replace the kikyō she has now.' 

Tifa pounced at that, Cloud dodging her strike from old habit. 'Oh you— Get back here!'

Cloud laughed, set the kiku pin into Tifa's high ponytail and launched up into a tree where she couldn't follow. 'Go put the pin in your hair into hers. I already saved you the trouble of buying one on your own!' 

'What'd you do for Valentine-san anyways?!' 

'I bought him a sode and a new headband, though I gave him the sode already!' He called down, jumping trees like a flea when she launched up the first with several jumps. 'Are we sparring?'

Tifa gripped the trunk of the first tree and laughed until she was pink in the face. 'No, Cloud, I wanted to ask you a favor. Trying to get hair pins for Aerith is hard if it's just me. Would you buy them for me so I don't have to haggle quite so much for them?'

'Only if you get me silk ribbons so that I can change out the sode cords for Vincent.' he replied as he landed delicately on the same branch as Tifa. 'It's almost impossible as a guy, you know.'

'Deal.'

* * *

Somewhere along the way, Tifa and Cloud coordinating thier purchases for each other's cherished person lead to the wrong assumptions between the other members of AVALANCHE. 

"Aerith-dono's been wearing Strife-san's pins... Are they...? Is that even allowed for miko?" Wallace muttered. 

"You think that's bad, try Tifa-dono's silk ribbons on Valentine-san." Highwind countered and Cloud almost guffawed on first watch. "Ah thought they hated each other." 

""This one finds himself amused, that he does. Worry not, Fenrir's favored."" Vincent offered on the other side of camp. 

"... You know, I think he said that too. 'A wolf is a wolf, no matter where you take him.'" He found himself reciting an old Nibel phrase his Ma loved. 

""Then this one is pleased to keep his company, though his physical form has left; you keep him with you and that is honor aplenty."" 

""You do realize that you two are not the only ones with enhanced hearing."" Nanaki pointed out. 

"Clearly I need to be teaching you-" Cloud groaned, rolling his eyes at Nanaki's reminder. 

""This one thinks it beneficial and might add that he will teach Wutainese if necessary."" Vincent offered, his tone almost good enough for kindling. 

"I'll take that with both hands."

* * *

Teaching Vincent Nibel had interesting side-effects, the least of which was Tifa flushing bright pink as Vincent hesitantly tested it out on her. 

'That's entirely unfair! Why does he get to have flawless pronunciation?!' She grumbled as they dug the border for the Barrier and Shield Materias to be buried in. 

'It's because he's enhanced.' Cloud snorted as he activated the Materia in the border and Sealed it with a quick flick of his fingers. 'It's the same reason I'm picking up Wutainese at a rate that would terrify Yuffie if I tried speaking it.' 

'What does being full of Mako have to do with mastering languages?' Tifa prodded as they stepped through the Barrier that would keep everything else out. 

'It enhances _everything_ , Tifa, mind and body. Quicker mind, better memory, languages heard once are easy to remember. Watch this.' Tifa made a questioning noise as he turned to Yuffie. _"Stop pickpocketing my Materia. I'll need them all back, including the Bahamut Summon you nicked because you thought it was pretty."_

Yuffie paled under her headband, digging through her item pouch to hand them back over. _"I thought you only knew your tongue and Common, not mine too."_

_"Valentine-san has been most helpful in that regard. Steal my Materia again and I'm leaving you tied to a tree with a knife just out of reach."_

She blinked at that, looking from Vincent to Cloud and back, betrayed, wounded violet swinging between the two of them. _"You're teaching him?!"_

_"...There are ears other than yours, that there are, and this one would keep his words private."_ Vincent offered quietly, cleaning his gun carefully and with great concentration. 

_"Like who??"_ she fired back. 

_"The Firewolf traveling with us. Valentine-san and I like to have our conversations over a distance."_ Cloud snorted as he sat down and turned the fish on sticks that Tifa and Nanaki had wrangled from the river just before sunset.

He sprinkled on salt and some of the rare Banoran pepper he kept with him in a small pouch. 

"Oh? We're havin' some of that fancy fish then, Strife-san?" Wallace asked as he turned his side of the fish. Cloud passed over the pouch, agreeing with a shrug. 

"Goes well with the rice Highwind-san is making." He admitted. 

_"Spices. Wutai didn't use them until the ShinRa menace."_ Vincent added, putting his gun away and standing to wash his hands. Gunpowder wasn't something you wanted in food, as Vincent and Cloud had come to find out, especially when you were enhanced. _""Banoran pepper is fine, however, anata.""_

_"Highwind-san is using Banoran and Nibel spices. They'll match better than most of the meals we've had."_ he murmured, knowing that Yuffie was straining to listen in. 

_""This one takes it Yuffie-chan is attempting to listen in? We could switch languages.""_

_"Do you want Tifa to listen in then? That is the other option."_

_""By all means, this one would prefer it.""_

'Good, because we still need the practice.' Cloud agreed as Vincent came back into view. 

He'd yet to return Cloud's spare pair of hakama and they looked good on him, the rich black suiting his gunslinger better than the grey he'd worn before.

* * *

Somehow, Cloud found himself as a go-between for Aerith, getting gifts for Tifa and handing them off under secretive circumstances. 

The fact that both women were wearing different colored kiku pins piqued the interest of their resident gossips, Highwind apparently scandalized that Tifa was interfering with his and Aerith's 'relationship'. 

""Ah can't believe her. Strife-san and Aerith-dono are connected by that one SOLDIER fella. They're takin' comfort in each other. What right does she have to get inbetween 'em, huh, Wallace-san??"" 

""Maybe it's 'cause they're childhood friends, Highwind-san. First and second loves and all that shit. Maybe he doesn't want them to feel neglected or Valentine-san's too much of a coward to show his affections for her in public so he makes Strife-san do it." Wallace snorted. ""Now shut up, I'm trying to write a nice letter to Marlene."" 

""You want help with it?"" 

""Whatever, Dragoon. Help or get your ass out of my sight."" 

"Something amusing, Strife-san?" Aerith asked as they sparred with staffs. 

"They think Tifa's trying to shove her way into our 'relationship' because I'm getting her gifts from you." Cloud chuckled, blocking her hit and snapping out one towards her legs that she parried. 

"So long as Valentine-san doesn't mind, I don't either." She confessed as she spun her staff and gut-checked Cloud. "Oh Goddess, I'm sorry!"

"... no, _no_ , that was a good one." He waved off her concern, wheezing for a moment before he straightened again. "He doesn't, given our circumstances. What else did you have in mind to give her?" 

"More kote? She goes through them so fast that I worry about her hands." Aerith set her staff end down and Cloud gratefully took the reprieve to recover. 

"I'll get her wraps to go with her kote. She does go through quite a few," he mentioned as he leaned on his own staff.

* * *

Shopping for supplies was rotated between pairs, straws drawn, as all of them together were too much of a draw for ShinRa's Turks. 

As they had drawn the shortest straws, Cloud and Vincent went into the village for food and a stock of charcoal. "Excuse me, madam, could I bother you for the location of your charcoal maker?" 

She startled, brown eyes flicking across his features and then she spat. "No SOLDIER is getting our charcoal." 

Cloud raised his eyes to the heavens, prayed to Fenrir for patience, and opened his mouth to reply when Vincent spoke. "He is not a SOLDIER, madam, that he is not. A rurouni only and a kind one at that. Honor means more to him than most of ShinRa's forces." The terrible patchwork of scars on display above the kote he wore for protection said much about his gunslinger. "He rescued this one from ShinRa's grasp." 

She glanced between them and Cloud sighed. "ShinRa's done neither of us any good, madam. We only need supplies for our group and we're targets for Turks if we stay together." 

"Come this way then," She drew them to the side, looked at Cloud's zanbatō and then nodded in the safety of her inner courtyard. "You'd be that rebel group then?" 

Cloud huffed, glanced at Vincent and shrugged. "We're part of it, I suppose, madam." 

"None of that now, it's Mrs.Gainsborough to you two. I trust Aerith is well?" The sharp question had Cloud blinking. "Well?" 

"...This one would think he had run into Aerith-dono's mother, that he would." Vincent replied after Cloud couldn't get his mouth to work. 

"Ah, Aerith-dono's in excellent if somewhat, um, field condition." Cloud blurted, scrubbing at the back of his neck. 'Why didn't Aerith mention we were so close to her hometown?' He asked Vincent, surprised to hear a reply in Icicle Nibel. 

'My daughter is well and amongst those of the North, I see.' Familiar green looked up from a sickbed, placed in the sun and her hands buried in the dirt of the courtyard. 

Cloud knelt after removing the zanbatō, green locking with blue. 'She's with two of us, if you can believe it.' 

'Those of Nibel are scarcer now than they have ever been, thanks to the ShinRa menace. You rebel from a distance-' 

'Only to gather allies, honored mother.' Vincent murmured. 'This one had hoped against hope that there were those who still called to our Goddess. Is Aerith-dono also...?' 

'She is.' 

'The _Materia_.' Cloud breathed out, the scorched visual of the white Materia burning again. 

'A taint you have, SOLDIER-' 

'Rurouni but... I think so too. Is there a way to remove the curse?' He corrected gently, startled when a pair of dirt-crusted hands squeezed his own gloved ones. 

'Yes but it requires sacrifice.' Aerith's Mother mentioned. 

"Haven't I sacrificed _enough_ already?" Cloud choked out, Zack's peaceful but bloodied face being washed by gentle rain as Cloud picked up the zanbatō with a promise just out of reach. "Hasn't _Aerith_?" 

'A future that has already been written, rurouni. You can only brace for it, not change it.' came the admonishment, gentle though it was. 'Loss we cannot avoid, only heal with time.' 

"No. No, fate is what we say it is, not what it already is. I refuse to collapse for a future that hurts more than my past already has." He snarled, looking at her with determination.

"Ah. 'A wolf is a wolf,'" 

"'no matter where you take him.'" He finished, not surprised to find Vincent drying his tears with the edge of his cloak. 

"Such tenderness," the green of the forest, so like Aerith's, and yet deeper still with a canyon of grief trapped in it. "Keep it, for it will guide you well, stubborn wolf." 

"Does Aerith-dono know you're here?" 

"She does, in her own way. Miko or not, blood calls to blood." Aerith's mother reassured. "My name is Ifalna, Ifalna Faramis but my first name is preferred." 

The waft of sharp pain that accompanied the simple request made Cloud grit his teeth as he flatly filled in the cause. "Hojo." 

"A particularly sharp rurouni my daughter has found herself with. One that cares for her just as she is, not as what she could be." Ifalna offered with a faint smile. 

"This one would add that she is ours, family to the group." Vincent murmured as he sat on the wooden platform next to the sickbed. "She is our heart, that she is." 

"Heart or not..." Ifalna shook her head. "As I said, there is no changing fate. Our charcoal maker is two houses ahead. Tell him Mrs. Gainsborough sent you as he will not serve you otherwise. Too many SOLDIER and Turks have passed through here demanding his best." 

"We'll pay his asking price, then, and not a Gil less." Cloud promised, rising to collect the blade he'd set down.

* * *

_"I would have thanked you, anata, but I wasn't sure if her sympathies lay the same as Aerith's."_ He admitted on the way back to their camp, fingers firmly laced in the growing gloom. It was the only time that they were in private together, Cloud lifting their joined hands to press a kiss to the back of Vincent's hand. 

_"This one appreciates your caution, that he does. He wishes that others were so accepting, though he finds sympathy for her and her miko."_ Vincent sighed. He cupped Cloud's face, kissed him softly on the eyelids, both cheeks and then barely brushed his lips against Cloud's own. _"Just the once, he wishes he could kiss his rurouni in the open."_

_"I would shout it from the mountains, if given the chance, that **my** gunslinger puts to shame the very night sky."_ Cloud promised fervently, leaning into Vincent's touch. _"That our love would pull the stars from that same sky if the gunslinger but asked it of his rurouni."_

Vincent's sharp inhale barely foretold of the kiss he drew Cloud into, passion that had been buried for so long that it boiled over now in the quiet dark. 

Cloud surrendered to the lightning in his heart, sparks that fed back into one another until the storm within broke with the sound of a ragged gasp from both of them. 

_"He would promise this one, this **beast** made flesh and bronze, the stars in the sky?"_ Vincent's voice cracked, his weary heart spilling on a tongue so tired of omission. 

_"This rurouni would promise anything at all, to the person he loves, beast unchained or not."_ Cloud soothed, releasing Vincent's hand to take his face and press their foreheads together. _"Grand declarations, marriage if it was but available, a humble abode and peace unending... All for his gunslinger."_

They swayed in place for a moment, wrapped in each other, taking what little time they had to themselves and basking in it outright. 

Such moments were far and few in these days drenched in guerilla warfare.

* * *

_"-and y'know, there are those moments I think your eyes look like Seph's in the low light." Catching Zack mid-conversation was common these days for Cloud. He talked like Cloud was conscious, pausing as though Cloud had replied and forged onward to keep the quite at bay._

_A heavy burden, to carry the world on shoulders too tired to fight the weight of it. A burden Cloud hoped to lift, even if it was but for a moment; to share the weight of the world, take it on his shoulders like he could hold it too._

_"... rea...lly?" He asked hoarsely, fighting his own body to talk._

_Zack brightened at the sound of his voice, a spoon of steaming broth at the ready. "Do you want to eat some more, Spike?"_

_ "yes." _

_"Couldn't snag any fish cause the pools are all frozen over but!" Here Zack grinned, proud of his accomplishment, "I did get a nice pair of hares that I snatched from a solo Griffon. There's hare and Griffon in that so I'm sorry if it tastes like ass. I always forget monsters have a different taste when you're stuck eating them for survival."_

_The broth was richer than the fish stew but it warmed Cloud to his core, somehow loosening just enough of his voice to talk a little more than the last time he'd been awake like this. "... Like... Ma's... stew..."_

_Zack nearly dropped the spoon into the field pot. "Wait, you're saying this tastes familiar because... Damn, no wonder you joined ShinRa and sent every single stipend straight home." The usual pity at learning such a fact was absent from Zack's tone, only understanding. "That was me for a good, long couple of months before I managed to wriggle into... well, you know, Angeal's grace was as big as he was tall."_

_Angeal. Why did the name rattle around his heart and land on betrayal? He'd never met the man, though Zack had made damn near ridiculous attempts for the ShinRa General to meet plain old Cloud._

_"...nev-er... met..."_

_"Yeah. Maybe it was better that you didn't, Spike. He got sick, y'know, almost as sick as you and uh," Zack swiped at tears that formed, "Aww Hels, not **now**."_

_Cloud understood that Zack had been forced to mercy kill the man. "... 'Str...eam... peace..."_

_Zack gave a wet laugh, scooping Cloud up to tuck him against his side. "Even Mako poisoning can't stifle Strife pragmatism, huh Spike?"_

_"... no." Cloud let his head roll onto Zack's shoulder._

_"... Your eyes really do look like His. I guess Professor Creepy got what he wanted with one of us. He was right pissed, he was, especially when you got Seph. A little guy taking on—no— **taking down** the pinnacle of SOLDIER." Zack huffed, curling his arms around Cloud and pillowing his chin in Cloud's spikes._

_Cloud growled, anger releasing yet more of his tongue, "des-er-ved... it..."_

_"Not saying he didn't, buddy, just that none of us managed to get a hit on Seph, let alone stab him at our best. Ha. You'd make a hell of a First, fighting the way you did. I saw your record scrolls. More honorable than half of the bastards at ShinRa ever expected you to be." He reassured. "Guess he won, in the end."_

_"... choose... own... fa-te." He argued, "ma-ke... own... dec-isi-ons..."_

_"Don't let him win, is that it? Survive so that you can spit in his eye?" Zack chuckled, the strain evident in the way his chest heaved. "Strifes really live up to their names."_

_"...dam... right..."_

_"Hold onto your spit-fire, Spike, we've got plenty of journey left for you to expend it on." A soft kiss was pressed to his forehead, one to each eyelid and one to his lips, though that one was fleeting. Cloud hummed as he snuggled as close as his body would let him._

_Zack was better than a sleeping roll any day, his warmth bleeding through Cloud's layers like the human form of a kotatsu._

* * *

Aerith cleared her throat outside of his tent, asking, "Strife-san, may we talk?" 

Cloud finished tying his sode in place, adjusted his kote and then stepped out into the encampment, nodding in silent agreement. 

She reached for his hand and he laced their fingers, the fit different than Vincent's but still comfortable. "This way," Aerith lead the way and then gently squeezed his hand. "I take it you met both of my mothers?" 

"I did and, uhm, might've pissed your first Ma off, Aerith-dono." 

Brown hair swished as she threw her head back and laughed, merriment clear in the forest of her eyes. "No, just that she'd forgotten how stubborn wolves could be. Sometimes, very rarely, people remember the shape they were; you and Vincent were Nibel wolves, it seems, and they mate for life." 

"For life, huh? What are you and Tifa then?" 

"Cuahls," She hummed. "Behemoths, maybe, with the way we act. Highwind-san's practically a Griffon chained to the ground and the others are all pack or flight-oriented. It's why we work together so well." 

"... I see." 

"You're not going to ask how I know all of this? Why ShinRa and Sephiroth are both so desperate to get to me?" She prodded as she swung their hands. 

"No. You're Aerith-dono, trained miko and healer, fond of peppering my best friend with kisses. Why would you be anything else?" Cloud snorted as he ran his thumb over the back of Aerith's calloused hands. "Do you want some cream from the next town we come to?" 

"I know they're a bit rough but they're staff and bow callouses." Aerith sighed. "I'd rather not have to build them back up. Tifa and I trained hard to get them there." 

"Mm, I see. My apologies then." 

"I think it's time we picked up the pace though, Cloud-san." 

"You can feel Him too?" She nodded, toeing at the loose foliage of the forest floor with her zori. "I think we need to lead Him somewhere." 

"North. It's the best direction I've got, Cloud-san." Aerith confessed softly. "You?" 

"He's west of us but he'll follow." Cloud pillowed his chin in her hair, the soft pink ribbon brushing his cheek. "Gut feeling, before you ask; something Zack said in a dream." 

"Well, who are we to question the words of an old beloved?" She said as she pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. 

"Who indeed?"

* * *

When they rode their Chocobos off of the ferry, most of AVALANCHE was practically buried in their Chocobo's feathers. 

Cloud, having pulled on another underlayer and his haori, reined in his Chocobo and set up a Tent after dismounting. "Change or add more layers now because it's only going to get colder from here on out." 

The ladies went first, coming out with more layers, full hakama and haori but not enough to restrict movement. 

The men followed and Nanaki accepted the haori of Nibel wolf fur when Cloud offered it. "You are used to this weather, I take it?" 

"I grew up in a place that was fairly cold, yes, but this is colder still. The rules are almost the same but with more layers." Cloud admitted. 

Cid, Cloud and Tifa were at ease, the others in varying degrees of comfort. Vincent shivered a little until Cloud pulled him into the Tent and coaxed him into another two underlayers. 

"Do the Chocobos need blankets?" Aerith asked Cid, her concern for the birds making the gruff Dragoon soften a little. 

"Yeah, Ah guess they do." 

"I've got enough in my item pouch. I thought they might, given where we're going, but there are areas even they can't traverse. We're going to need to Lure them all so that we can summon them when they're needed for the flat stretches." He said, having mulled out the logistics on watch with Vincent. 

Vincent had been only once but his old Turk training was proving to be a benefit to AVALANCHE. ShinRa had been a Shogun for decades, after all, and had clearly gotten worse in the ensuing time.

Cloud tapped each of the birds with the Lure he'd found buried in the stable of old Bill.

"Are we gonna take 'em as far as we can? Walking's no joke up here." Highwind asked. 

"Mmhmm! Besides, we don't want their limbs cramping up if they stand too long." Tifa added as she swung a cloak over her shoulders and then one over Aerith's, adjusting the hood and stealing a quick peck that Cloud snorted at. 

Body heat _was_ a viable method to keep warm, especially with the excuse of keeping away the cold winds that ripped through the valleys of the Northern Continent. 

They'd have a long way to go, following Aerith's feeling and Cloud's own.

* * *

_This dream was different, the sickly grey smoke at the edges of it stinking of curse rather than memory._

_Similar to his memories however, he couldn't move by himself. Horrified, Cloud watched the smoke spiral around Vincent for a moment. He snarled, anger giving him more than enough power to grab the smoke. The slick feeling of it made him shudder, the contrast like oil and water._

_The smoke swarmed then engulfed him in a haze he was unable to see through. **Bring it to me?** The voice that purred was familiar. Half of it was memory, fierce and opposed, half of it was the nightmare he'd feared, drawing on the piece of him that whispered of death and destruction._

_'Bring what?' He questioned flatly._

_**The Black Materia. The one you collected, Cloud.** It coaxed softly, warm and inviting. **Come away, puppet, come away to where you are wanted, where you are needed.**_

_Wanted? He was already wanted._

_**They speak concern to your face, graceless puppet, and treachery behind your back.** the voice sighed. **Even that which you cherish most.**_

_Cloud growled at that; his gunslinger would **never**._

_**The Miko, puppet, because even now you defend her.** The murmur pointed out, patient but with an edge of frustration to it. **Come now, Cloud, you don't know my voice?**_

_'Sephiroth?'_

_**Finally.** Sephiroth's voice held an echo of praise. **The Materia, beloved puppet. Bring it to the Forbbiden City?**_

_Cloud felt disappointment. Why was he disappointed?_

_'Just the Materia?' He asked._

_**You must come with it, Cloud.** Sephiroth's amusement made him flush. **There is no shame, pretty puppet, in wanting my company. Pray, awaken before the others and come home to me.**_

_'If it pleases you, he will bring it.' Cloud purred in reply, the smoke warm and pleasant as he wound it around his fingers._

* * *

Gloved hands stroked at his face, pressure against his chin an instruction to look up into the eyes of his General. Cloud leaned into the touch, kneeling in his devotion to Sephiroth.

"Perhaps I should have coerced you sooner, puppet. You follow orders as though you were a born SOLDIER. Such speed and grace, with not even a quarter of Mother's blood in you. I would have made you beloved but I cannot forgive the wound you gave me years ago." Sephiroth murmured, tilting his face this way and that. His rurouni tail spilled forward over his kimono, prompting his General to hiss—"Get rid of that _**wretched ribbon**_." 

"..." Cloud balked, upper lip lifting into a growl of protest before Sephiroth clucked his tongue. 

"Here in our embrace, still you clutch at things that have no place with us." He barked scathingly. "The Miko is but a sorry cut of flesh given to delusions of grandure." 

"Yes," he breathed. "He is sorry but that is a cherished item."

"Such defiance against Mother would have you in agony. Count yourself lucky that I find it amusing rather than rebellious, Cloud." Sephiroth knelt, "It is my gift to you then, little puppet; your devotion to me marked in blood." 

"He is grateful, that he is." 

"Do not ask such a thing from me again." came the cutting order as the grip on his chin tightened to the point of pain. "Your devotion to us should be your only thought, puppet." 

"Yes, my General." Cloud fawned after Sephiroth released his jaw, the crimson ribbon brushing against the bruise left behind.

* * *

Waking up seemed like more than it was worth, Cloud sore all over and unwilling to crack open his eyes to the burning light. 

He groaned, startling someone or something into reacting. 

"Strife-san?!?" The voice— he knew it. "Oh fer Bahamut's sake, don't tell me your memory issues are back. Ah can't help you with that, rurouni." 

Highwind. Tifa, Aerith — _Vincent_! His eyes snapped open and he surged up, zanbatō in hand. 

The Dragoon startled, teeth clenched on the butt of a cigarette, but rolled his eyes at Cloud's stance. "Done lost a lot of weight, Strife-san, done worried poor Aerith-dono and Valentine-san to the bone-" 

The scent that caught him told him everything. 'This one has you now, anata.'

'How long?' He sobbed, his grip on Vincent almost as tight as his grip on the handle of the zanbatō. 

'Two months you have worried this one and her miko, two months have we stayed past reason or rhyme.' Vincent replied, the tips of his kote claws digging into the base of Cloud's back. 'He is glad you are safe, that you are.' 

'We have to talk but not here.' Cloud admitted, breathing in Vincent's scent as he dug his fingers into the thicker fabric of Vincent's cloak. 

'This one understands, that he does.' came the soft reply, a kiss pressed to his temple as Vincent made a show of looking him over. "Back to the Inn, then, Highwind-san?" 

"Ah told _you_ it's Cid. C'mon, say it with me now..." The Dragoon complained as he put out the end of the cigarette and tucked it back into the case under his goggle strap. 

Under Aerith's care and in possession of a bowl of soup, he was surrounded in blankets, both courtesy of Vincent. 

"Well, you've been starved for lack of a better word and... Sephiroth's miasma has infected you. He was likely the cause of your disappearance and will continue to be if we don't keep a firm eye on you. Valentine-san, if you would?" Aerith sighed. 

"I... it feels like an awful dream but—" 

"Your silk ribbon is torn. He probably tried to take it from you and you fought back." 

"'Probably?'" 

"The fact that you're here and with us speaks volumes about your resistance." She mentioned. "I hope Valentine-san has extras." 

"This one does and he will give it... after a bath. He is sorry but you are beyond that which he can tolerate in regards to smells, that you are." Vincent mentioned bluntly as he sliced the torn ribbon out of Cloud's hair with a precise flash of kote talons. 

Cloud laughed until his ribs ached, the edge to it almost as desperate as Zack's had been so long ago.

* * *

The ride to the Forbbiden City was slowed but not halted, thanks to Cloud's quick recovery at the hands of his gunslinger and Aerith. He and Tifa were running his memories over, picking out those that were faked or perhaps shoved into him by Sephiroth. 

Some didn't make sense, concerned as they were with a redhead Cloud'd never met and the broad shoulders of the black-haired man whose name was on the tip of his tongue. 

"Maybe, huh, maybe they're not yours? They're _His_ and you're connected by the miasma. His memories are spilling into you; it's the only way it makes sense." Tifa finally said as she gently tugged on the new ribbon in his hair. 

"I damn well don't want them. It's a reminder that he was... he was once like us." Cloud growled. 

'This one thinks you should remember that; once human, now beyond it and perhaps trapped by the one he calls Mother. Killing him may be more mercy than we know, anata.' Vincent remarked carefully. 

"Mercy or not, he threatened-" 

'Mercy is granted, anata, whether it wished for or not. This one has found it aplenty within AVALANCHE.' came the rejoinder. 'Scarce can a man live on honor and forget mercy is also a duty given to him.' 

Cloud opened his mouth, held up a finger and then closed his mouth. He frowned and scrubbed a hand down his face. 

It had never occurred to him that mercy was something Sephiroth might need, let alone require to be free of the miasma that might not entirely come from him. 

"I think I need to talk with Aerith-dono. Godsdammit all." Cloud stood, pressed a absent kiss to Tifa's forehead and went in search of their miko. 

He found her weaving a basket out of willow pulled from her item pouch, puffs of cold air turning her into a Nibel Dragon as she sat close to the fire.

"Is there something I can help you with Strife-san?" She asked even as her fingers never ceased their movement. Cloud sat next to her and watched for a while. 

"... would you grant mercy to the man that killed your Ma? If you thought he wasn't in his right mind when it happened?" He questioned as he prodded the blaze a bit higher. "That maybe he's just a toy, a... vessel for something _worse_?" 

Aerith made it through another two levels of basket before she replied, "If she told him that the reason she and her honored mother are the only ones left because of a monster, a monster that was sealed away and brought back by ShinRa, would he believe her?" Cloud nodded, waiting for her to finish. "If she told you that names have a power of their own, would you believe her also?" 

"He would." 

"Good. She will not say it out loud but it is a curse." He offered a bit of scroll, carefully wetting the Nibel ink he kept with him that didn't freeze. "I _can_ write it down and burn it afterwards. Thank you." 'JENOVA' was quickly written and tossed into the flames the moment he'd finished. "Do not utter it aloud. We call her the Calamity and Sephiroth calls her Mother but she is disaster incarnate." 

"Tell me the story?" 

"In due time, Strife-san, in due time but not now." She promised with a smile that tugged on his heart. 

Beloved she was not but Cloud cherished her all the same.

* * *

She promised, she promised, _she promised him that story_ —

Steel flashed, headed for pristine white and red with hatred burning in slit green eyes.

The howl of fury that broke the miasma chains holding him fast came from Cloud's heart. 

Human or not, wolf or not, Cloud was tired of losing things he held dear without a fight. 

He lunged, meaning to take the blade that had struck him once before when it went _through_ him, aiming for a heart that beat against his back. 

Cloud gritted his teeth around the blood welling up, caught the sword and coughed when it sliced his palms. 

Aerith's breath hitched and then she shivered against his back, the -plip!- of a Materia meeting water snapping his senses into overdrive. 

He gripped the blade, pulled it out of Aerith and shoved it straight into the gut of its master, Masamune never meant to be wielded from the blade. 

"No!" He snarled, "You're not taking _anything else from me_." 

"The puppet has bite, who knew?" The cold, cutting words made Cloud snort as he knelt in front of Aerith. He could feel the blood dripping from both of them, pressed as he was against her. 

"I'm not the puppet, you are." Sephiroth recoiled as if struck by more than his own weapon. "I wonder what Mother would think of your failure." 

"My failure? I have no faults, puppet, so the failure is yours for not living up to our expectations." 

Our expectations. 

"What, don't have any of your own? Nothing you can keep from Her?" Cloud fired back and the recoil this time was enough to slide the blade from his side. "Sailing the cosmos sounds an awful lot like someone else's dream." 

"What does a puppet know of dreams?" 

"Enough for me to know that you lost your honor when you lost your friends." Cloud prayed to any deity listening that he was right about the redhead and the black haired man. "Try as you might, Sephiroth, you can't stand the fact that you _lost them_. Have you removed your soul to forget your grief instead of living with it?"

It was too much for thier enemy and he fled as though Ifrit's Hounds were chasing him. 

Cloud painstakingly waited until he felt Sephiroth was truly gone before he caught Aerith. She'd slowly been slipping into the freezing pool. "... Cloud...?" 

"Stay with me, Aerith, stay with me. Come on, up we _**get**_..." The agony of his side was better knowing that he'd not lost Aerith too, stumbling out of the Forbbiden City to land on his knees just outside of it. "Gotta... get you... to camp." 

By either a divine miracle or sheer dumb luck, Cloud's hand found a Chocobo rein. A black one, which meant that this was the war bird and she had been trained to return to her companion (Vincent's own mount). A mount with the padded Buster Sword strapped to her. 

"Cloud-san..." Aerith gasped out as he tugged on the rein to get the bird to come down. "You're hurt." 

"I think-gurk!-I think we're past -san, Aerith. Getting stabbed... fuck... by the same sword means... we're bosom buddies." He countered as the bird stood and started trotting back at a pace that wasn't too painful. 

"Who says that anymore?" She asked breathlessly, her hand pressed to her own wound. 

"Zack." Cloud huffed out before he pulled out gauze and pressed it to the other side of Aerith's wound. "Full of old-fashioned shit, he was." 

Aerith dug into his pouch with clever fingers and wrapped Cloud's wound over his layers as tightly as she could manage. "So are you." 

"Hah, that's funny, I thought Vincent was the old-fashioned one?" Distraction, he realized as Aerith's face grew paler. "Don't you think about joining... that Puppy, you hear me?" Cloud managed as he kneed the bird into picking up the pace. 

"Wouldn't dream of it." She wheezed as Cloud pressed the front of her wound as well, steering the bird with only his knees.

* * *

The war bird warked loudly when she trotted into camp, startling the party upon arrival.

Vincent lifted both of them down, Highwind whipped off the saddle. Kisaragi and Wallace equipped Cure Materia to their bracers. Nanaki and Tifa cast Barrier Max followed by Shield Max and Libra Max. 

"What happened?" Wallace asked as he gently unwound the bandage off of Cloud's side.

"Sephiroth." 

"Well, no shit. I mean, where are you hurt?" 

"My right side, Aerith-dono's left. He was... trying to kill her." He grunted as blood started flowing again. "I got in the way." 

"Drop th' honorific, we know good an' well you and her are close." Highwind snarked as he wiped down the leather of the saddle. "Ah'm gonna have t' groom the damn bird aren't I?" 

"Carefully but yes." Cloud groaned as Wallace opened his kimono, his right side a mess and his palms scabbed over but still painful.

"You grabbed the blade, didn't you?" Tifa prodded as she fussed over Aerith's wrapped, Cured side. 

"Wasn't exactly a better option, now was there?" Cloud hissed in a breath as Wallace started curing him. 

"Cut yourself or risk Aerith-dono getting hurt further. This one would have done the same." Vincent murmured, blood flowing down his hand and the sleeve of his kimono. Their blood mingled, mixed and gave a new scent entirely. 

"Our blood's mixed, Aerith-dono," Cloud twisted, sucking in a pained breath as his side throbbed. Wallace clucked his tongue and continued Curing until the wound closed. 

"We'll see if my blood wins over Sephiroth's miasma." Aerith hummed as she leaned against Tifa, motioning to Vincent's yearning gaze. 

Vincent finally gave in, supporting Cloud and daring the others to say anything, kote claws gently carding through Cloud's free hair. 

Highwind and Wallace traded looks and Wallace held out his wooden hand with a victorious smile.

"Godsdammit, Wallace." 

"That's what you get when you bet against Nanaki and I, Highwind. Firewolf nose never lies." 

Cloud gave a chuckle, asked quietly, "How long have you been betting?" 

"I believe the original bet was made before crossing to the Northern Continent, so some months now." Nanaki filled in as Vincent pressed a kiss to Cloud's temple. "That I knew of since we left the village. Their scents were distinct but matched well. Aerith-dono and Lockhart-san were much harder to trace but I overheard her and Strife-san talking of gifts." 

"Sephiroth thinks the ribbon comes from Aerith." Cloud admitted. "He kept telling me it was an attachment that would get me killed one day." 

"If Ah didn't know any better, Ah'd assume too. As it is, that's fuckin' _hilarious_." Highwind cackled, slapping his thigh as he worked over the bird's feathers for blood to comb out. "We aren't tellin' the bastard if you aren't." 

"I might, if for nothing other than the shock. I'm smaller, I've beat him twice now and I dual-weild," he laughed, Vincent shaking his head at the play on words.

"Huh?" 

"It means I like both men and women. I so happen to like one partner at a time, however, and Valentine-san is it." Cloud explained. "When someone says they dual-weild, it's either bragging or they're flirting with you." 

Most of the party blinked at that and Aerith gigged. "I suppose I'm dual-weilding too?" 

"Mmhmm." 

"I don't care about that, glad you're happy. How in the Hells are we taking down Sephiroth?" Wallace questioned, pinning Cloud with a look. "ShinRa?" 

"Aerith-dono and I will be bait. He's waiting in the Northern Crater; I can feel him." 

"What about the rest of us?" Nanaki asked. 

"Sephiroth has a Materia... a Materia I gave him. The Black Materia." Cloud elaborated. 

"He likely intends to Summon the Meteor within the Materia," Aerith continued as Cloud buried his face against Vincent's shoulder. "He intended to kill me because I have the only thing that could oppose the Meteor. He's waiting in the Crater because it's one of the better places to Summon things and prevent others from being Summoned. Highwind-san, do you have something capable of flight?" 

"... Ah do. Been keepin' it a secret but Ah made this thing called a dirigible. She's powered by Aero an' Fira Materia; she's the _fastest_ thing in th' sky, not countin' monsters." Highwind announced proudly.

* * *

In the aftermath of the battles, Cloud's kimono layers were all but shredded. Vincent removed his cloak and placed it over Cloud's shoulders. 

He drew it closed and tugged Cloud against him, using the opportunity to press kisses to Cloud's forehead, cheeks and then his lips. 

Cloud flung any dignity he might've had to the wind and kissed back with the ferocity of the storm between them.

Whatever future laid in wait for them, he'd face it with a legacy, a zanbatō and a gunslinger he could always count on to have his back.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment, complain, ect.
> 
> *Edo Lullaby 
> 
> ** Princess Mononoke Theme Song 
> 
> *straw sandals


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